I never thought I would be here telling you this. I never dreamed it could be true. What we have accomplished, it is indescribable. But here we are. Based on your work, your years of painstaking research, Josef, we have done it. The cure is in me. I feel it coursing through my veins. I can only meekly attempt to remotely explain to you what the serum has done, nay, is doing to me as I write these words. I am a new man. It is just as you said it would be. Everything you imagined is true. It is real, Josef! I am living, walking, breathing proof! I am no longer constrained to the mediocrities that exist in others. I am no longer a slave to human kind’s ills, pains, misfortunes, or internal dilemmas. All of my fears have gone by the wayside. All past shattered hopes are now laughable! Every minuscule worry, every outlying woe—gone. Poof. Like some wizard’s cloud. Josef, I am free of it all.
You were right all along, my friend. If only you had not fled. You could be here now with me to enjoy this wondrous new feeling! How can I explain? It is exactly as you described it would be but it is so much more. It is like one hundred thousand orgasms in one hundred thousand bodies, yet they are all in you. When you take the serum (and yes Josef, we have liquidized the medicine using your calculations), there is an instant rush of elation followed by a lifetime of glory! And oh am I in it now, Josef! If Heaven were an actual place, those souls who inhabit it would be breaking down the Pearly Gates at a chance to come back down to Earth, to New Mexico, to our lab, to drink of this goodness, to know what it is to know to know all. Oh God how I wish you were here to share in this with me. This joy. This pure ecstasy of joy! Ring the bells and wake the dead! Joy is here to stay!
I forgive you, my friend. I forgive you for leaving, and I understand. Believe me, Josef, I know now. I know how difficult it was for you. Being on the verge of this … just on the very cusp of this! … You had your doubts and you expressed them deeply to me. You hid the last vital element from me. You hid it, you sly dog you! And I chastised you. I yelled and I screamed and I beat you with my terrible cane and you left. You took your secret with you. But Josef, I am nothing if not fastidious. You left with your knowledge but you left behind your apprentice. You taught me well, dear teacher, dear friend. What did you think? Did you think that you could just go away and that would be the end of it? Did you think I would not forge forward? Did you think I would not utilize my many years by your side, watching you, learning from you, studying your brilliant mind? Josef, I am only what you made me, and Josef, you made me you.
HERE I AM, JOSEF! Look at me! Look at this world and this life! For the love of God, look at the cure! It is in me! I tell you now, and I hope you can hear me: I tell you I am free. I am everything and nothing. I am the leaves and the grass and the poems and the stars. I am the new Job, beaten down to oblivion… but I do not care! There is nothing in my past that is of any worth anymore! It is all gone, my friend. It is all as if it never existed. My days of torture and my nights of indecision—they are but trifles. As I write to you now, I am whole, I am entire, and I am beyond perfection.
You had it all here, sir. Everything. And yet you left it undone. You ran, from your own design. And now I know the truth. You did it. And you kept the final piece from me because you were scared. Admit it, Josef. Admit that you were scared, and then admit that I am sacred. Because I have formulated what you (forgive me, Josef) did not have the guts to see through. And for what? Where are you now? What far corner of this rock we call a planet have you flung yourself to? Wherever you be, these words I write, they will find you. For I plan to introduce your brilliant serum to the world. And when it is done, you will hear me. And you will see me. And you will know me for how I know myself. And you will know your neighbor for himself. And believe me, my friend, you will know yourself. And we will all be one.
It is just as the poet said, “Every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.” It just takes some getting used to. And
And
And when your mind is jumping like trains off a track, well you just have to focus, Josef. You just have to focus. Because everything is gold. It is all so pure. Like a thousand bodies orgasming into one no, I said, it is like one hundred thousand! Or. Yes one hundred thousand ideas that are oh
Josef. It’s …
Where are you, Josef? Lorraine is dead. She’s… she’s dead, Josef. And she has always been dead. Oh God Oh God Oh God NO. I cannot think because it makes my breathing so heavy and my chest clenches and my heart clutches and I cannot even see or be. I cannot be, Josef. For the love of God how can I not be?? How can she not be?? How can any of us BE??
The ingredient is not right. It …. I must have miscalculated. No. Cannot. I am FREE! I am BEAUTIFUL! I am LIFE!
Josef, I must die.
Come out of your cave and come save me. Or kill me. Whatever makes the most sense.
And is the least painful.
